Reflections
by frenchiecangal
Summary: SONG FIC!!! This is about mainly Nuriko, and has a few spoilers from the novels (see inside) and the series, nothing much.


Disclaimer: FY isn't mine, neither is this song. I"m just using them for a non-profitable reason only. 'K?  
  
Warning! This has spoilers for not only the series, but two of the squential novels- both Nuriko and Hotohori's novel.  
  
Notes: This song fic idea came from listening to the song during a blackout. The point of view it's written is Nurikos, but with a twist. We all know he crossdresses for his sister, right? Well, if you don't, sorry for the spoiler. But, this fic is sorta written from the manly side, not the feminine side. So, in a way, it's like saying it's Ryueen's POV, and not Kourin's. But, I'm writting it in third person. Wait, who am I confusing, besides me? Well, without further ado...   
  
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Inside the palace was the emperor's harlem. All the beautiful women of Konan Country were gathered there, all choosen to fight to be empress to the young emperor. Among them was the beautiful woman of all of Konan. Or should I say man...  
  
Look at me   
You may think you see   
Who I really am   
But you'll never know me   
Every day   
It's as if I play a part  
  
The women all stood in line, watching the emperor stop and look upon the woman who may be his future wife. He stopped at the the most beautiful of all, and stared into her face, waiting to learn her name, just like all the other women.  
  
"This, sire, is Kourin," said one of the advisors. Kourin bowed respectfully, staring at the young emperor's beauty.  
  
Now I see   
If I wear a mask   
I can fool the world   
But I cannot fool my heart   
  
As soon as the emperor was done with the woman of his harlem, they were dismissed, free to walk to their rooms. Kourin went into her room, and locked her door tight, and made sure the windows were shut, although her reasons weren't modesty. She quickly pulled off her dress, revealing the masculine form of a man, unlike the shape a woman has. As soon as the night time robe went on, Kourin smiled, unlocked the door, and turned his head to the mirror, as he pulled his hair out.  
  
"Well, here I am, just as I promised," he said to himself, as he brushed through the knots his long purple hair held from being tied up all day. He stared into his refelction, and glanced at himself for a fleeting moment. He saw his manly chest, showing from the robe's part down the center, and quickly shut his robe.  
  
"Ryueen, you're doing this for Kourin and Byakuren, don't lose fate now," he said, remembering the losses. "Even to you..."  
  
Who is that girl I see   
Staring straight back at me   
When will my reflection show   
Who I am inside   
  
Ryueen stared into the mirror, staring at the face he saw. His reflection showed a woman, yet underneath all his clothes that the palace had presented him were not that a woman's form. He watched the maid tend to his hair, fussing on it's beauty, and listening to the mindless chatter the maid presented, not quite listening. he was deep in thought, thinking of how much was lost, and here he was, the only suffering he had done was the death of those who should be here. He wondered how long this charade would go on for, wishing it all to somehow end.  
  
I am now  
In a world where I   
Have to hide my heart   
And what I believe in   
But somehow   
I will show the world   
What's inside my heart   
And be loved for who I am   
  
The women of the emperor's harlem had all gathered together, talking of almost nothing. Ryueen, dressed as Kourin, walked, not really caring about much, when he suddenly bumped into a woman, who strangly enough, looked just like him. Upon the meeting, the both of them learn each other's names, and almost immediatly became friends. It made Ryueen feel better, knowing that there was someone he could confind in, and not hide everything from, although a few things would have to be hidden. However, what Ryueen wanted to hide wasn't kept a secert for long.   
  
Who is that girl I see   
Staring straight back at me   
Why is my reflection   
Someone I don't know   
  
"So, your name is truely Ryuenn?" asked the young girl, watching the silent tears stream down his face, memories from his past overcoming him, which he was unable to control. Seeing this, the lady gently wrapped her arms around him, only offering him moral support. He smiled, knowing Houki would keep his secert.  
  
As soon as she had left, he stared into his mirror, rubbing his face so that no one would know of his tears. He looked into his face, seeing the feminine clothes he had, and his eyes filled again, yet not from relief. He wondered when he would be able to somehow show the world who he truely was. He then scolded himself, reminding him of his promise. He would never back down from his word.  
  
Must I pretend that I'm   
Someone else   
For all time   
When will my reflection show   
Who I am inside   
  
"Heika, let me do this," Ryueen said, watching his emperor try to lift the heavy rubble to rescue his miko and fellow seishi. Easily, he lifted the rubble, from his given strength Suzaku had blessed him with, despite his normal attire, a fancy expensive womans robe. When he had finished lifting the rubble, his emperor questioned his strength, and Ryueen got the hint.  
  
"You must mean this," he stated, pulling his shirt down just enough to reveal the red symbol for willow, emblazened on his chest. Inside, however, he fought a losing battle within.  
  
There's a heart that must be free to fly   
That burns with a need to know the reason why   
  
'What if you had revealed too much!' one part said. The other didn't care, stating how these were the Suzaku seishi, and wouldn't care if he were to dress as a woman. He pushed away the second thought, only listening to the first. Determined to prove to his miko that he would fulfill the goal for Kourin and Byakuren. He would marry the emperor, even though he wished somehow he could just get away forever, and just leave. Somewhere, deep in his heart, he knew the Suzaku no Miko would grant him that, even though he doubted it and pushed it away.  
  
Why must we all conceal  
What we think   
How we feel  
Must there be a secret me   
I'm forced to hide   
  
"You tricked me?!" cried out Miaka, filled with rage on how Ryueen did that for his own selfish needs. Laughing, Ryueen replied back.   
  
"It's because you're so gullable!" he said, surprised at Miaka's next move.  
  
"Thank you!" she cried, refusing to let go, despite his constant yelling for her to let him go. When she didn't, his shirt fell, revealing what only a handful of people knew, and now another knew.  
  
"You're a man?!" she cried out in shock. He was in shock, until he finally regained a bit of composure.  
  
"Well, now the cat's out of the bag!" he said, pulling his shirt up a bit. Miaka immediatly began to talk on his actions to win Hotohori, but he dismissed them immediatly, not telling her the real reason for his act.  
  
'You should have told her!' his conscious said. He immediatly shut it up, reminding it that Miaka was only a silly, naive little girl.  
  
I won't pretend that I'm   
Someone else   
For all time   
When will my reflection show   
Who I am inside   
When will my reflection show   
Who I am inside   
  
"Your hair!" Miaka cried in shock!  
  
"What a waste!" Tamahome cried out.  
  
"You're really ready to give up crossdressing?" Miaka asked, concerned for why Nuriko cut off his waist-length hair. Nuriko just smiled, not really listening.  
  
'I don't need to anymore. I've always had Kourin in my heart, and she will always be with me. I know I can't fulfill Byakuren's goal, but I know someone will for me.' Miaka's question brought him right back to Earth.  
  
"That's right," he said, remembering his origanal intention. "I don't really care anymore," he said, then came up with a better reason. "I can't have this following in battle when the Seiryuu seishi come."  
  
'It's not only that, but I am a man, and I think it's about time to embrace it. Kourin and Byakuren will always be with me, but it's time to face the future. I am a Suzaku seishi, Chou Ryueen, or Nuriko, and I will always be him, for as long as I live.'  
  
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I'm done!!! YAY! It took so long, and now that's it's done I'm so happy! It was so hard to write! For those who don't know, Byakuren's goal was to marry Hotohori, and it's explained further in the Nuriko book, whatever it's name is. And Houki knew Nuriko was a guy. She found out in the Hotohori novel. I think it's name is Suzaku Hi Den, but I'm not positive. Well, all feedback is appreciated and wanted. Ja! 


End file.
